Alone vs. Lonely...

As I sit in bed at 2:38 AM, I realized that I needed to write something tonight. I'm not sure why, but this day, I've been doing a lot of thinking about life and what I'm doing, and this is my way of sharing today. Time passes slowly. The truth of this statement amazes me when I realize that time passes so quickly. Yet how are both true?

Time passes quickly when you are having a good time.

Yet those moments sometimes make you feel as though the world has stopped just for you.

Time passes quickly when you think about what day it is.

Yet every day feels as though it drags and the year has not moved forward.

Time passes quickly when you are happy.

Yet time is slower than molasses when you are upset.

Recently, I have been kind of in a weird mood and I had no idea why. I was not exactly sad, but not exactly happy. I would go to school, I would go to work, and that was basically life. Little sleep and lots of stuff to do. And I finally figured it out.

Alone is different than Lonely.

Alone. adjective. without anyone or anything else

Lonely. adjective. sad from being apart from other people.

I don't think I am ever alone. I have family, I have friends, and more importantly than anything else, I have my Heavenly Father who watches over me at all times. However, I have felt extremely lonely recently. Here in Salt Lake, I have very few friends and my school and work schedule does not give me much time to see them outside of class. On days that I don't have class, I sleep. When I am not sleeping, I do homework. And when I have a minute to spare, I can think of no one who I want to spend time with.

That last part however is not true. I know exactly who I would text if I could. I know exactly who I would call if they would pick up. I know exactly who I would love to spend a day with if they wanted to be in my company at all. But they don't. And I do not speak of one specific person, but of all of them. My friends. The people who I see in class and nowhere else. The people who I associate with at work and nowhere else.

And here I am at 2:57 AM, lonely.

I wish I knew how to fix it, and I wish I knew what to do, but for the second period of time this year, I feel a bit hopeless.

I am happy. I am doing the things I want to do. I am having great experiences and amazing opportunities.

Yet with no one to share them with, there's not too much of a point now is there?

Diana Laura Peck