Alone vs. Lonely...

As I sit in bed at 2:38 AM, I realized that I needed to write something tonight. I'm not sure why, but this day, I've been doing a lot of thinking about life and what I'm doing, and this is my way of sharing today. Time passes slowly. The truth of this statement amazes me when I realize that time passes so quickly. Yet how are both true?

Time passes quickly when you are having a good time.

Yet those moments sometimes make you feel as though the world has stopped just for you.

Time passes quickly when you think about what day it is.

Yet every day feels as though it drags and the year has not moved forward.

Time passes quickly when you are happy.

Yet time is slower than molasses when you are upset.

Recently, I have been kind of in a weird mood and I had no idea why. I was not exactly sad, but not exactly happy. I would go to school, I would go to work, and that was basically life. Little sleep and lots of stuff to do. And I finally figured it out.

Alone is different than Lonely.

Alone. adjective. without anyone or anything else

Lonely. adjective. sad from being apart from other people.

I don't think I am ever alone. I have family, I have friends, and more importantly than anything else, I have my Heavenly Father who watches over me at all times. However, I have felt extremely lonely recently. Here in Salt Lake, I have very few friends and my school and work schedule does not give me much time to see them outside of class. On days that I don't have class, I sleep. When I am not sleeping, I do homework. And when I have a minute to spare, I can think of no one who I want to spend time with.

That last part however is not true. I know exactly who I would text if I could. I know exactly who I would call if they would pick up. I know exactly who I would love to spend a day with if they wanted to be in my company at all. But they don't. And I do not speak of one specific person, but of all of them. My friends. The people who I see in class and nowhere else. The people who I associate with at work and nowhere else.

And here I am at 2:57 AM, lonely.

I wish I knew how to fix it, and I wish I knew what to do, but for the second period of time this year, I feel a bit hopeless.

I am happy. I am doing the things I want to do. I am having great experiences and amazing opportunities.

Yet with no one to share them with, there's not too much of a point now is there?

Diana Laura Peck

Something New...

Well... It's been a while, but I have some new things in my life that I decided to share! It's crazy to think that January has already ended. What a month it's been. So today, I'd like to share the events that rocked my world a bit.

#1:

From September to December, there was a boy who I really liked. We were dating and I was extremely happy about everything going on in my life. On January 1st, it came to an abrupt end. Here's what I've got to say about this experience: it was great. In high school, I never dated anyone, and to be honest, it never bothered me. I got to college and still didn't expect to date anyone, especially because I still have a lot more schooling to do. Then, Allen happened. I didn't expect it and I never imagined that something as simple as having someone who truly cares so much about you could make me so happy. This last month was really hard for me because of the end of this relationship and mostly because it was my first one. It hurt and I was upset and I was holding on to any string that I could.

On Monday, he sent me a letter that I had asked for. It was a hard letter to read, but it was exactly what I needed. I needed closure, and that's what he gave me. From the moment that I accepted the things written in that letter, my outlook completely changed. I can see him now as a friend, and one of my best friends at that, and I'm so much happier with the knowledge that that may be all we ever will be.

#2:
One of the many things that Allen helped me to do was become more involved in the church. He answered my questions, helped me to start praying again, and encouraged me to read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover. This last month, I made it further than I have ever before read, and last week, I finished. This book has brought so much joy to my life and a much stronger testimony in the gospel of Jesus Christ. For that, I will always be grateful.

#3:
My older sister called me a few weeks ago with some bombshell news: she is serving a mission. I am beyond proud of her! This is something that "rocked my world" for two reasons. The first is the fact that she will be leaving for 1 1/2 years. WUT. The second is that this is something that I have been contemplating for many months now. Every time I feel prompted to serve a mission, I feel as though I get yet another sign. My biggest problem is that I don't know if I want to serve. It's scary to think about myself dropping everything for 18 months, and I know it's not really that long, but it's still scary.

It's been a crazy new year, and only two months have gone by, but think about it: two months have already gone by. I am excited and terrified to see what else this new year brings for me and my family. And always, I know there will be something new.

Diana Laura Peck

Time for Change

You know what it's time for?

A dramatic change in my life.

This week has been extremely difficult for me for several reasons, but one of the biggest reasons has been myself. I sometimes feel as though my mind has been invaded by a complete stranger and they decide to pull out every negative thought that may be hidden in the deep crevices of my brain. I have had trouble sleeping, I've been an emotional wreck, and I feel as though I've created more problems in my life than are necessary. Among the many things that have been occurring, I also suddenly realized how much I miss my family.

And you know what I realized today? I need to STOP STRESSING. It is consuming my life, and it's not healthy, so I propose for myself a change. A change in my attitude, a change in my life, and a change in my actions. My dad once told me that if you want to do something, you should write it down, because then you can go back and reference it. It's not just in your mind where it can be easily forgotten. So here goes:

A CHANGE IN ATTITUDE:

I want to be happy. All the time. I know that may not be feasible, but I want to go throughout the day looking for good and not focusing on the bad. Beginning today, I will go to sleep every night after writing down five good things I noticed throughout the day. If anything bad happened, I'll write it down and throw it away.

A CHANGE IN MY LIFE:

Sometimes, it's good to do something different. I've been saying this for a while but have postponed it several times now; however, I will now go through with it. Tomorrow, I'm going to look for a hair salon to donate my hair to Locks of Love. I know that this may seem illogical or random, but it's something I have really wanted to do, it's for a good cause, and it's the Christmas season. It's time for me to make a change in my life, and this is one that I want (and am ready) to make.

A CHANGE IN MY ACTIONS:

I wake up at 11 AM, eat breakfast, and more or less stay lazy until I have to go to work at 5 PM. That stops now. There are three things I want to change about my actions, and here they are:

1. I will begin waking up at a decent hour. Sleeping in is great every once in a while, but I'm crossing into borderline laziness. Tonight, I'll set my alarm and start my morning off with a good attitude.

2. I will exercise. Remember back in the day when I was on track and worked out 5 days a week? Or how about when I decided to start Insanity and worked myself 6 days a week to get into the best shape of my life? I need to start this again, so tomorrow will be Day 1 of exercising 6 days a week. I won't be working out on Sundays, but there is now reason for me not to exercise or go running throughout the week, especially while I'm on break from school.

3. I will go to the temple once a week. Whether I go alone or with friends, I'm making this a priority in my life. I have found that going to the temple brings peace into my life as well as immeasurable happiness. I was able to go last Friday as well as yesterday (Thursday), and I'll begin to do it every week.

I want to be happy, and in order to do so, it's time for change.

Diana Laura Peck

A Twist in the Plot Line

This week was crazy. No sleep, interesting phone calls, boatloads of homework, and the best friends. The week began with an intense essay writing session that went until around 3 in the morning, followed by a stressful trip to school where the printer only printed out the first two pages of my 5 page paper. Thank you college. The next day brought began with an amazing Christmas devotional from my school then a trip to the Salt Lake Temple to do baptisms for the dead with Allen. AMAZING. Another crazy essay writing experience occurred that night, but this time, I was working to combine four 3-5 page essays into one big essay for a group project. The stress was so real. That was turned in all fine and dandy on Wednesday morning, then I went along my day, but didn't go to sleep until around 2:30 AM. My alarm went off on Thursday morning at 6:30 for my 7:40 class and I seriously could not even function. I fell back asleep, missed class, and woke up at 11:30. Since I still had two hours before my next class of the day, I decided to get up, get dressed, and go Christmas gift shopping. I ended up getting a couple of things then going to my Book of Mormon class. That day went on pretty normally, then I went to sleep late and woke up at 7:00 on Friday morning for my various study groups.

Study Group #1: Group Essay. BFF Marcus and I will be meeting at 8:30 at the school to work out some problems in the essay. We worked on that until around 10 when...

Study Group #2: Calculus. I worked with Joseph for a while, trying to figure out Area Between Curves, then he left at 11:00 for class and TJ showed up, so I continued to work on that with him. I went back to...

Study Group #1 to finish up some more stuff then I headed off to Calculus for an hour.

After Calculus, Allen drove me over to the house I'll be renting next semester to check it out, then we went back home because Nancy needed some help taking stuff out of her storage unit. I called my parents to tell them about the house and also to ask my Dad if I could go on a date with Allen. (*GASP*) He said no haha. So, I went to work that night, then woke up bright and early on Saturday for (guess what?) more study groups.

This wonderfulness began with an 8:30 session at the Business College, BUT WAIT: the college doesn't open until 10 on Saturdays. RELOCATE TO STARBUCKS. Get there and Michael is the only one who is there (online) to help with the paper. At 10, Joseph gets there to study for our Calculus test on Monday, then BFF Marcus gets there to help with the paper at around 11. ALLEN CALLS MY DAD AND MY DAD SAYS YES. I ended up leaving Starbucks at around 1:00 to go home, clean around Nancy's, and get ready for a date :)

Had an enjoyable night and I bought two new dresses for $20, then Sunday came before I knew it. Went to sacrament meeting with Kelli, then we went to temple square to take pictures in the snow. After that, we ended up getting in the standby line for the 2013 Christmas Devotional and WE GOT IN. Made a quick trip over to the conference center and it was amazing. We then went to Kelli;s to make brownies and watch The Polar Express, then I went home to do a business assignment then write out my blog. Overall, it has been a hectic week, but I have been fortunate enough to find the blessings that God has given me each and every day.

The things of this week that I am MOST happy about are:

*Going to the temple*

*Telling my dad about Allen*

*Finding a place to live next semester*

*Taking pictures in Temple Square*

*Getting to attend the Christmas Devotional with Kelli*

I hope your week is as hectic and wonderful as mine was!

Keep a Smile

Diana Laura Peck

Another Week...Another Story.

I haven't posted in a while simply because I felt as though there was nothing to post about.

Well, was I wrong!

I was thinking this week about how there is ALWAYS something to say. You might not think it is important, but someone else might! You don't know how how what you say affects other people or prompts them to do something that they might otherwise not have done. Take this story for example:

This week as I was walking to school, I saw a woman walking toward me down the street and she was wearing a super cute shirt. I wanted to tell her what I thought about it, but she was a stranger and so I was ready to walk by without even a second glance. When I was about 5 steps away, I thought "I'm going to do this." So as I was approaching her I said, "I really like your shirt!" She stopped smiled and said, "Thank you so much! It's new and nobody has noticed it. And by the way, I've been looking at you since I got to that last corner and I just wanted to let you know that your outfit is so cute."

Totally made my day, and I brightened hers.

Here's another story for the week... My little sister has a blog called Life Through My Eyes (http://xoxothinkaboutit.blogspot.com) and I always go on there to see what she's written. This last post was about MISSING PEOPLE and how you miss different people in different ways. This is something that I've been thinking about a lot recently because I haven't seen my family for three months, and today I found out that I'm not going home for Christmas.

The next time I see my family will be in April.

This means it will have been a whole 9 months since I last saw them. Now don't get me wrong- I love college and don't wish to be anywhere else, but there is a type of missing that is specially reserved for family and it leaves this sort of emptiness in you that you never realize could be quite as strong as it is.

Seeing my little sister's post about missing made me think about her, and she is seriously someone who never fails to make my day. I told her that I started playing the piano again and she started crying when I began playing her favorite song. I miss her more than anything , and I hope she's ok with waiting a little longer to see me and that she knows that I wish I could see her sooner.

So the gist of this was as I said at the beginning: You never know when you're gonna say something that could change someone's day. If you're wondering whether or not to say something, JUST DO IT. If you're afraid of being embarrassed, DO IT ANYWAY. If someone is going to laugh at you, WHO CARES? It's a lot better to speak your mind than keep it bottle up inside.

So, with that being said, I want to say something:

Thank you.
I wouldn't be who I am if I hadn't met you.

Diana Laura Peck

Another Week of Living...

What a week it has been. I feel as though I've been nothing but busy. Class and homework and work until 9 then more homework and all the while enjoying my college experience. I didn't say this in my last post, but something I've been saying a lot recently is

"I recommend college to everyone. It's great!"

 So, that will probably be seen multiple times through the course of my blog. Get ready for it!

I've been doing a lot better with my Book of Mormon reading this week, and it is starting to become easier for me to simply pick it up and start reading. Today in Sunday School, we learned about being self reliant in

1) Spiritual Things

2) Temporal Things

3) Finances

and how they are mutually inclusive things. With my new job at the West Office Building, I'm working on figuring out my finances, which I will use to fulfill my temporal needs; however, without my spiritual needs being fulfilled, it is harder to effectively balance #2 and #3. It was a great lesson, and I feel that now that I'm reading the BOM for the first time all the way through, I am building my self reliance in spiritual things. I will be more able to rely on my own personal testimony and concentrate on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I also watched the Saratov Approach this weekend, and MAN, was that a testimony builder. I recommend it to everyone. It was greatly put together, and one of the most touching and mentally trying experiences that I could imagine.

So what have I learned in this week of living?

*I must build a self reliance in all aspects of my life*

*Sometimes, going to sleep early is more beneficial than staying up to talk to friends*

*Whenever possible, finish homework before Saturday*

*Go through your contacts, find someone who you respect, and send them an email*

*Smile. You never know when someone else is looking at you, and it might make their day*

*Take the time to just enjoy a day of absolute laziness- it does wonders for the heart and mind*

...Keep a Smile...

Diana Laura Peck

My Story...

"My story, like many other stories, starts way, way back." So how did my story start? In real life, it started in Ciudad Obregon, Sonora, Mexico, on May 2, 1995; however, that's not where this story starts. I could say it started when I was 5 and I moved to the United States, but that's a different story. I'm talking about the story that tells people what I'm doing with my life, and when I decided that my life began. I can't tell you a specific date and time of when that happened, but I can definitely say that it was a conscious choice to start living. I once told my basketball coach, 

"To live is one of life's rarest events. Most people just exist."

(Oliver Wilde)

So I've decided to live, not simply exist, in the world that I currently reside in.

Over the last couple of weeks, I've learned a lot about myself and other people. I've found out things that scare me, things I enjoy, things that confuse me, and things I dislike. College is crazy to say the least- it really is an experience that everyone should consider. Late nights, random philosophical homework assignments, amazing writing prompts, strange work hours, and the best people. I can honestly say that life begins...now.

Diana Laura Peck